Sunday, June 27, 2010
Vague Memories of Mr. T Past
Another unpublished script found in the files...one appropriate to the month in which we saw the release of the A-Team movie. It's for a 2-page strip called "Mr. T's Commandment". From the address on the manuscript, this was written some time between 1985 and 1987. I only vaguely remember the job, which was for a custom comic but I don't recall in connection to what. I pity the poor fool that hadda write this!!
Click on the images below to see them in a readable size. Everything here is copyright by the people what hold 'em!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Weekly World News XXIX
Giggling Island-Part 1
© Weekly World News
SOMEWHERE IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC — “Land ho! Land ho!”
Cast adrift somewhere in the South Pacific with his boyhood chum Bing Hopewell, Kevin Andrews, otherwise known as Miss Adventure, the Gayest American Hero, was attempting to raise Bing’s spirits—Bing’s annoying preference for women ruled out raising anything else—when his old friend interrupted with that excited shout.
“I was about to sit right back and tell a tale of our fateful trip,” America’s hero said. “But I cast my eyes toward the object of Bing’s ejaculation and saw a strangely pink island with twin peaks and thick underbrush,” Andrews reported with a full-body shudder to Weekly World News. “Well, considering we had been paddling in circles on the wing of Bing’s biplane for several days after living through the crash and escaping Mah Jong, the God of the Sleeping Volcano on the island of Bali Lo, I was happy to see land, I just didn’t want to land where I’d see things I’d rather not so I steered us for the island’s midsection.”
Landing on the pink sandy beach of the island’s midsection, Andrews and Hopewell found they had set ground on the shore of an uncharted desert isle. “Uncharted only because we were sure the people who had been aboard the tiny ship that had crashed on that same beach before us probably never had a chance to get it on the charts!”
“When we saw the name of the shipwreck laying there on its side Bing’s mouth dropped wide open, but I was too stunned to take advantage of it,” Kevin said, bravely mopping up a few stray tears. “It was the S.S. Mame, owned and captained by my friend, Biff ‘Skipper’ Himmelstein. The Mame’s disappearance was a legend, the five passengers had set sail that day for a three hour tour.” Andrews sighed and sadly shook his head. “A three hour tour. Poor dears. Then the weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed and it was assumed, especially with that crew aboard, that the ship went down.”
Their disappearance had made the lost five some of the most famous men for three entire news cycles. “I knew then all. Intimately,” Andrew confessed. “I would go so far as to say we were a tight group. I was supposed to be on that boat when they set sail that day, but a mix-up in a pedicure appointment had me left behind when they all took off on their fateful trip.
“Along with Skipper and was the Greek millionaire and his constant companion, Thrurston Howl and Raimondo, famed Hollywood director Jorge Olivier ‘JO’ Pal, Professor Peter Ahn and drag queen Maryann.
And the deepest loss to Andrews, “My little buddy, first mate Shecky ‘Giggling’ Ireland. We met on a summer cruise—I believe it was in a bar in Iowa—and when we finally parted it was as nothing but buddies. In remembrance of our time together I swore if I was ever in the area, I would find out what happened to him. Well, here I was.”
Bing set about building us a shelter and setting up a bonfire while Andrews took a look aboard the Mame. “The boat had been stripped of everything useful, from bunks and cabinets to essentials, from bedding and clothing to moisturizer and magazines. My heart leapt. That could only mean they had survived the shipwreck and might even still be alive.”
Andrews went to share the news with Bing. “I executed a flawless grand jeté from the wrecked hull of the Mame and just as my toes touched the sand, I heard Bing calling to me but I couldn’t really hear what he was saying over the sound of the Mame exploding.”
“I was thrown to the ground by the blast,” Andrews recalled. “And as I rolled to my feet, I looked around for Bing. I found him inland, racing from out of the trees where he had gone to hunt for fresh fruit which, really, is my job, shouting in warning. Which was understandable, seeing as how he was being chased by a spear-wielding Skipper Himmelstein astride a small dinosaur like he was riding a horse!”
Miss Adventure realized this was no ordinary deserted island. “Skipper hated animals,” Andrews said. “But even more, Skipper hated clichés and this whole ‘Land of the Lost’/dinosaur island schtick was so last century! There was something that needed getting to the bottom of and I was just the one to plum those depths!”
Monday, June 21, 2010
Smarter Than The Average Bear!
Many moons ago, I wrote the Tom & Jerry syndicated newspaper strip for Editors Syndicate. During that interlude, the T&J artist and I pitched to take over the Yogi Bear strip. We were unsuccessful, but my scripts, such as they are, survive. A sampling:
© respective copyright holders
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
From the Midtown Comics Ballroom Overlooking Lexington Avenue...
I'm on the air!
Or on a podcast, courtesy of New York's Midtown Comics! I talk about Archie Comics, Captain Action, and other topics ranging from my old series Checkmate to superhero fashion. Have a listen here!
And, over on pal Rob Kelly's All In Black & White For 75¢ blog, is an interview with yours truly covering my work for Marvel's Crazy Magazine, as well as the single issue of Savage Sword of Conan I wrote.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Weekly World News XXVII
A Miss Adventure Mini-Mystery:
"Low Deeds at High Tea"
BOUNCEN-ON-TAYEL, England — Invited to England late last year to meet the Queen, Kevin Andrews—known to fans the world over as Miss Adventure, the Gayest American Hero—was surprised to learn that Her Majesty was a woman.
“Well, naturally I just assumed…” an embarrassed Andrews confessed to Weekly World News.
To recover from this and his second faux paux (“You’d think she never had her bottom patted by anyone,” an exasperated Miss America exclaimed), Andrews went to spend the weekend at the country estate of an old friend, Lord Drew Nancy, accompanied by his friend and mentor Danny ‘Dee Dee’ Romano.
“We arrived in time for tea,” Andrews recalled of that fateful day. “I couldn’t wait to get my hands on Lord Nancy’s crumpets, although after the incident with that so-called ‘queen,’ I was going to ask before reaching for anything while in England.”
Along with Andrews and Dee Dee, Lord Nancy had several other invited guests at Pinkswod, his ancestral estate. Among them were Turkish international man of mystery, James Boundandgagd, author Truman Formen and his escort Timmy, famed designed Oskar De La Rentaboy, and cross-dressing singing sensation, Pearled Daley.
“We made quite the little circle, although the tea was ignored as we admired the flatwear and china,” Andrews recalled. “After a while, Lord Nancy’s butler, Fist, let us know it was time to dress for dinner.
“‘Dee Dee’ donned a 1930s-style tuxedo, while I wore a white dinner jacket, yellow silk blouse and matching cravat atop my startling red, orange and yellow kilt and fire engine red Stuunado pumps.”
But the dressing ritual was interrupted by a blood-curdling scream that sent Miss Adventure, Dee Dee and the others racing to its source.
“Three of us broke heels getting to Oskar De La Rentaboy’s ensuite” Andrews said. “James Boundandgagd was already trying to open the locked door when the rest of us arrived. He borrowed two hairpins from me to pop the lock and we raced inside.”
What they found was Oskar, his manly frame sheathed in a flowered feminine frock, sprawled dead on the floor, a spilled drink lying near his fingertips. Andrews dropped to his knees and sniffed at the spill, then surveyed the room.
“The smell of crème de mint,” he said, “and bitter almonds—cyanide!”
The bottle itself was still on the nightstand and all the windows were securely locked from the inside. It looked like he had locked himself in, dressed himself up, poured a cyanide cocktail, and ended it all.
“I remarked to James Boundandgagd that I found Oskar’s final outfit an odd choice,” Andrews recalled, “though James said he thought the designer looked rather fetching.
“That’s when I knew it was murder!” Andrews announced. “And whodunit!”
Lord Nancy called for tea and cakes and we seated ourselves around the body.
“I went ‘eenie-meenie-minee-moe’ around the room, stopped on James Boundandgagd, and cried, ‘J’accuse!’ because even accusations sound better in French.
“James went all indignant and had to be restrained while I explained how he had placed the poison into Oskar’s drink, then dressed up the dearly departed, slipped from the room, screamed to bring us all running, then pretended to have to unlock the door to strengthen the illusion of suicide. But I knew that Oskar favored solids and stark lines, whereas James always preferred him in something a touch more femme. Those colors? It had to be murder...Oskar De La Rentaboy wouldn’t have been caught dead in that dress!”
Monday, June 14, 2010
It's My Birthday...
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Digging Through the Rubble
From, man, I'm thinking 1985-ish...give or take a couple of years, 6 sample pages of Waystation, a funny science fiction graphic novel written by me and drawn by cartoonist and pal Chuck Fiala (lettering by Willie Schubert). We were marketing the strip to a European-album format, an 8.5" x 11" 48 or 64-page book on nice white paper with cardboard covers that a publisher called NBM was doing. I don't recall if Waystation was rejected or the publisher went under or the market changed, but it remained just a proposal and 6-page sample sitting in a drawer.
Art © Chuck Fiala
Monday, June 7, 2010
I Have No Memory of This Whatsoever...
From sometime before the age of computers (I got my first one, an Apple IIc, circa 1986), a script for a 6-page mini-comic that I apparently wrote, starring Green Lantern. The header reads "GENERAL FOODS Canadian Comics"...one of a series of comics packed in with Canadian Wheaties, eh? Truly, I do not recall...!